Unmarried not Unnatural

Unmarried, not unnatural.

Unmarried, not unnatural.

 

One more time, say it with me.

Unmarried, not unnatural.

 

Not unnatural. Not in the slightest bit. And it’s about time this is cemented into our heads.

Unmarried women across various cultures are subjected to prying, staring and exhausting match maker aunties who think it is their life mission to bring hopeless souls together.

Don’t misunderstand me, I understand they are well-intended (well, most of the time) but the fact that they feel somewhat obligated to help is what bugs me. Unmarried women (and men for that matter) are not an epidemic that needs to be cured. They do not represent moral decay. They are not a problem. Our mindsets are the problem. Our perceptions are decayed.

Let’s backtrack a little.

To bedtime stories.

Mostly princess ones. Cause those are our favorites. I personally love me some Cinderelly, Prince Charming and Dopey dwarf. But have you noticed how most of these stories end with a marriage and a happily ever after.  (Notice that I say most because of FROZEN ❤ Yay Elsa!) Nevertheless, the wedding IS the happily ever after. Getting married IS the definitive point. Even for a princess! A princess who has 163736 servants at her whim and a wardrobe full of Vera Wang is still considered whole and complete only after she is wedded off to the handsome prince.

This concept applies to real life too. A girl is expected to grow up, learn to cook, learn how to be nice to in-laws, maybe study, maybe get a job and then get married. What happens after is hardly of any concern. (Until the dreaded baby questions start though I’ll save that for another post -_-). Guys, getting married is NOT end game. And yes, my dear fellows of Islam, getting married is half of ones deen and a potential means of attaining Allah’s pleasure but it is not the only means. In may be your means and it may be my means, but it may not be the path destined for another. We need to understand this. And although we pray to the Almighty to make our spouses a blessing and not a test for us, the truth is for many people out there, their spouses are the cause of their distress. Sometimes even the cause of them losing faith entirely. This is why divorce is halal. Divorce is condemned more culturally than it is religiously. Deep down we know this yet continue to show distaste at those who choose a path of freedom over a marriage that lacks barakah entirely. Tolerance is not good enough. We need to accept this. Dare I say it, we need to encourage it. Encourage our women not to remain in marriages that estrange their relationship with the Almighty. Encourage our women to free themselves of the mentality that being unmarried is unnatural. Encourage them to focus on furthering their personal aspirations instead of stifling their true selves and confining them to the specifications of ‘a good wife’.

Just let them be. Chances are, they know they are single and don’t need you to point it out to them.

I pray for every person who is seeking a life partner. Marriage can be a beautiful thing and I wish it upon everyone seeking it. I only hope that we can move away from seeing it as the sole indicator of a person’s success in life. There is so much more we can be doing in this world than discussing why ‘she’s 34 and isn’t married’. Maybe she’s been taking care of her sickly parents or working 3 jobs to bring income into the house. Maybe she’s resolved to find a certain kind of person and doesn’t mind waiting till he comes along. Hey, maybe she’s been working long and hard to whip up a repellant to ward away ignorant noobs like you.

It’s time to outgrow this suffocating mindset and see people for who they are, not the title before their name.

Till my next rant,

Rose x

PS: Although all thoughts expressed above are my own, I was inspired greatly by the  Marriage seminar I attended back in July which was hosted by Ustada Yasmin Mogahed.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s